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After more than two decades of working with couples, I can tell you this: What looks like disinterest, distance, or even rejection in a man… is very often something much more complex and much more human. I’ve sat with so many women who say to me: “He doesn’t understand me.”“He doesn’t comfort me.”“He shuts down when I need him most.”“And lately… he doesn’t even seem to want me anymore.” And underneath all of that, there is one painful question: “Does he even love me?” What I’

Understanding Sexless Relationships in Long-Term Couples Over the years working as a couple therapist, I’ve seen a pattern: deeply loving, once-passionate couples slowly becoming sexless. Not abruptly. Not dramatically. Quietly. And often, without either partner fully understanding how they got there. How Do Passionate Couples Become Sexless? Most couples don’t set out to lose their physical connection. In fact, many begin with strong chemistry, curiosity, and a sense of play

There is a moment in the room that I never quite get used to. One partner says, often quietly, sometimes almost apologetically:“I love you… but I’m not attracted to you anymore.” And you can feel the shift immediately. The other person goes still. Or their eyes fill. There is so much pain. They try to stay composed and reasonable while something much deeper is happening underneath. After 20 years sitting with couples, many of them living abroad, far from home, I can tell you

By a therapist who has spent 20 years sitting on couches with expat couples, listening to love stories stretched across languages, passports, and deeply rooted beliefs. There’s something undeniably beautiful about cross-cultural relationships. They expand your world. They challenge your assumptions. They invite you to grow in ways you never expected. But after two decades of working with expat couples, I can tell you this: love across cultures doesn’t fail because of differen

When I first moved abroad almost 30 years ago, I didnt reallt think it over what I was signing up for. A new country? Cool! A different culture? I love that culture! A language to learn? Ah we can wait with that! I didn’t realize at 22 that moving abroad would change something much deeper than my surroundings. It would change my relationship with myself. At the time, I had heard of “culture shock,” but I understood it as something practical, a temporary adjustment to new foo

After living abroad for 30 years, and working with expats for over two decades, I’ve noticed something that I felt I needed to talk about openly: Moving countries doesn’t just change your surroundings, but it changes your sense of self. And at some point, sometimes quietly, sometimes all at once, many expats find themselves asking: “Who am I now?” When Life No Longer Reflects Who You Were Before you moved, your identity was woven into everyday life. You knew how things worked

Defensiveness during conflict is one of the fastest ways to erode a relationship. Not because couples argue, conflict is a normal and even necessary part of intimacy. But because defensiveness sends a very clear message to the other person: “Your pain isn’t welcome here.” Often, conflict begins with something simple: one partner brings up something that hurt them. In healthy communication, this moment opens the door to curiosity, empathy, and understanding. But when defensive

After more than 20 years working as a therapist with couples, there’s a question I hear more often than people might expect: “Everyone says we have a good marriage… so why do I feel emotionally divorced?” It’s a painful question, and for many people it comes with a quiet sense of guilt. Because from the outside, their relationship looks perfectly fine. There hasn’t been a dramatic betrayal. No explosive moment where everything fell apart. Life simply kept moving. They still l

What 20 Years of Working With Expats Has Taught Me When I first moved to the Netherlands almost thirty years ago, I didnt even know what culture shock was... I thought it would be bloody easy to adapt. Just a new language. A bit different food. Different habits. Different jokes. Different ways of doing everyday life. . What I didn’t expect was the more subtle experience that came later — the feeling that somehow I wasn’t quite myself anymore . At the time I couldn’t explain i

This is something I hear often in my work as a therapist for expats. But it’s also something I’ve heard from myself. People move abroad for many reasons: adventure, opportunity, love, freedom, a fresh start. Somewhere in the process, many expats quietly arrive at a realization: I want my life to change… I just don’t know where to begin. Maybe life abroad isn’t unfolding the way you imagined. Maybe something inside you feels restless.Maybe you sense there is more available to

The psychological reality of relocation and how to navigate it Moving abroad is often framed as an exciting life upgrade. A new country. A new lifestyle. New opportunities. The promise of adventure. And while those things are real, there’s another side of relocation that people rarely talk about: the emotional and psychological impact of leaving one life behind and trying to build another. Many expats are surprised by how destabilizing the experience can feel. Even people who

Living and working abroad is often seen as a success story. You took a risk, you moved, you built a career in a new country. And yet, many expat professionals I worked with quietly struggled with a sense of emptiness or confusion they didn’t expect. You may ask yourself: Why don’t I feel fulfilled?Is this really what I want?Did I lose something of myself along the way? These questions are more common than you might think—and they often signal a deeper search for meaning and p

As a therapist working with 1000 plus expats, I’m often asked the same question: “Is online therapy really as effective as in-person therapy?” The honest answer is: it depends on you, your needs, and your circumstances. Both formats can be deeply effective, and neither is “better” in all situations. What matters most is finding a space where you feel safe, understood, and supported—especially when you’re living far from home. The emotional reality of expat life Living abroad

That’s the point.  And if it does… you might be stuck. That tight chest. That restless feeling. That “something’s off” energy? You might think it’s failure but it’s actually growth knocking… Comfort feels tempting in a foreign place. But comfort doesn’t build confidence or courage, and certainly not a new life.  Every new chapter abroad demands a new version of you: stronger boundaries higher standards braver habits Discomfort is preparation. So if life abroad feels heavy rig

Something I’ve learned from my 1000 plus clients after 20 years of working as an expat therapist: Growth has a lot less to do with motivation than people think. It has everything to do with how much truth you’re willing to sit with about yourself. Most people don’t resist change because it’s hard. They resist it because it messes with the story they’ve been using to make sense of their life. I’ve noticed that when feedback feels personal or attacking, it’s usually touching so

Living abroad is an incredible adventure, full of new experiences, opportunities, and personal growth. But, I know this from my own expat life, it also has its down sides, and sometimes, our excitement is overshadowed by feelings of sadness, emptiness, or hopelessness. If you’re experiencing depression while living abroad, know that you’re not alone, and there are practical strategies that can help you feel better and regain a sense of balance. Understanding depression as an

Moving to a new country is an adventure, full of excitement, new opportunities, and unforgettable experiences. But I know it from my own experience that it is also very challenging. Navigating unfamiliar customs, learning a new language, and being far from our family and friends can leave us expats feeling stressed, lonely, or overwhelmed. Therapy or coaching is there to help you navigate these changes, not just when things feel difficult, but also to help you thrive in your

Last week, I was invited to give a workshop on how social media affects our mental health. At first, the topic seemed straightforward, but it quickly led to a meaningful conversation about both the benefits and the risks. One thing became clear: for most of us, social media is here to stay. The challenge is learning how to engage with it in a way that protects our mental wellbeing, especially our self-esteem and social confidence. Before we look at the risks, it is important

When is it no longer acceptable to not speak the local language? When are you expected to have local friends, a local partner, or a job in a national company instead of a multinational? When do people stop making excuses for your cultural differences and start expecting you to integrate? And what does that even mean for your identity, your confidence, and your wellbeing?

One of the most common struggles I see in my work as a psychotherapist with expats in Lisbon and beyond is this complex experience of identity and invisibility. Many clients tell me how being constantly defined by their foreignness leaves them feeling unseen and misunderstood.